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12 August 2007 @ 10:04 am
Wake up people! XD

This is a pretty random fic that I wrote last night, I couldn't go to sleep until I had written it. I was in a really weird mood after watching a happy movie, and I think this was me telling myself life doesn't happen like that....
Anyway it's Ni~yaxSakito (Ni~ya's POV), pretty vauge, hasn't been beta'd or even proof read and i wrote it at some stupid hour,  so feel free to point out any mistakes.

Oh and I should warn you that i suck at writing fanfiction. XD

Title: Never too old
Author: Harles
Pairing: Ni~yaxSakito (of course)
Rating: Uh, not really sure
I'm not going to put in a summary cause it's only short, and I have no idea what to say. It's your fave two boys, so just read *shrug*


In our lifetime, we said “I love you” so many times…it’s impossible to recall them all, but every now and then, when I find myself alone and unoccupied, I can always think of a certain few times that make me smile.

The first time you told me you loved me, we were twenty six. The band was doing pretty well, we were busy, but happy, and I asked you if you were worried that being in the band would stop you from finding the right person and falling in love. You told me that it was only because of the band that you fell in love, that you had fallen in love with me.
I was shocked, I hadn’t been expecting that. We were close friends, sure, but I hadn’t even thought of you that way back then. I couldn’t find anything to say back, and I panicked and ran away.
I avoided you for as long as I could. For three days I didn’t turn on my phone or hang out with the guys. I nearly drove myself insane questioning my feelings for you, my feelings about having feelings for another man. I was scared.
On the fourth morning, when again I woke up miserable and empty, I decided to stop thinking and just act – think about the consequences later, together. So I called you, and we met, and we decided to take things slowly.

The next time you told me you loved me, was a month and eight days later. Things had been going along like a high school romance. We were no longer two friends hanging out, but two potential lovers going on ‘dates’ – there were little touches here and there when no one was looking, and you would sometimes stay the night at my house and we would talk about nothing until our eyes couldn’t stay open any longer. When it got to that point, I would tentatively, shyly, pull you to my chest, and you would nuzzle your face into the curve of my shoulder, and one night you whispered “I love you”, and I kissed you on the head and whispered it straight back.

The third time you told me you loved me, was only four days after that. We were on tour, and we were sharing a room. I remember we pushed the single beds together when we got there, so that we could just collapse after the show. When we got back to the room, I had my shower first, and then I sat on the edge of the bed in my towel waiting for you, running through mixed emotions. Exhaustion, accomplishment, happiness… nervousness. When you came out of the bathroom and walked towards the bed with your towel wrapped around your waist, I couldn’t help myself – I stood up and pressed our naked chests together, tangled my fingers in your still dripping hair, and kissed you. Our first proper kiss.
After that I seemed to forget why I had ever been nervous in the first place - in fact, I couldn’t stop myself. I just kept kissing you and running my hands all over you, until they were stopped by your towel. I gave it a tug and it came unwrapped, dropping to the floor to be kicked aside and forgotten, then you did the same to mine.
I think I was looking at you like I was going to devour you, and you were looking at me like you wanted me to. It was all the reassurance I needed. I pushed you back onto the bed, god I felt like my body was on fire already, and you clumsily wrapped your legs around my waist. You gave me some lube to use, but I didn’t do anything else to prepare you, just pushed slowly until I was completely inside of you, both of us clawing each others skin. That first time was clumsy, and a little painful, but slow and caring. I still didn’t stop kissing you until we were both gasping quietly for breath. I closed my eyes for a moment from exertion, and when I opened them again you looked straight into them and said “I love you”. Then I orgasmed, and I couldn’t say it back until I caught my breath.

I remember you squeezing my hand and saying it, just before we told our friends.

I remember when we were thirty four, and we decided to buy a house together. When the real estate agent handed us the keys and left, you flung your arms around me and said “I love you, and I am going to love spending the rest of my life here with you.”

The band broke up when we were thirty seven, not because of any reason other than a good thing can’t last forever. We decided to quit while we were ahead, so to speak. I had been real upset about it – hell we all had, and worried about the future, but on the car ride home from our last meeting you put your hand on my thigh reassuringly and said “I don’t care what happens to us now, I have you and that’s all I want, I’ll still love you no matter what.” I knew that what we had was enough for me too.

I remember you said it when I turned forty, you were drunk and making a toast, and you wound up crying and saying “I love you” across the table – everyone took that as their queue to shout “KANPAI!” and we clinked our glasses together and drank, you crying and me grinning.
In fact, now that I think of it you said it on every birthday, every year, without fail. Every Valentines Day too, and of course I said it just as often.

When we were forty eight, my mother and your father passed away two days apart. The grief was two fold, unbearable, and we each had to tend to our own families. When you left me to go to your mother, I remember riding in the taxi to the train station with you. When the cab pulled into the rank, you grabbed a hold of me so tight I couldn’t breath, and we both started crying so hard we were heaving. Then I told you I loved you, and we just needed to be strong for a little while for our families. Then we could be together again and start the healing process for ourselves. You said you loved me too, and then you got out of the cab and left. I have never felt so completely alone and helpless in my life.

You said it a million times in the pages of your autobiography for all the world to read, which you were prompted to write after Hitsugi’s sudden death. We were fifty two when he was in the accident. I didn’t think your heart could take any more, honestly I didn’t. I didn’t think mine could either. Once again we were thrown into utter, soul wrenching grief, and the attention it brought back to the band only served as salt on the wound. You cried for days and days on end, and it was only when you stopped crying that I realized you had stopped talking as well. You just sat there writing instead.
When you finished, I asked you why you had written it, because apart from our close friends and family, our relationship had been kept relatively secret all these years. You said you were scared that if something happened to us, no one would know the amazing life we lived together, that you had always wanted the whole world to know. You were just too old to get up and shout it from the roof top anymore.

You told me you still loved me when my arthritis crippled me and bound me to a wheelchair, and I could no longer go to the bathroom myself, or shower myself, or lay myself down beside you at night. I was only sixty eight.

I didn’t know it last night, but that was the last time you would ever say “I love you.” Deep down I think we all thought I would be the first to go, even Ayumi, our live-in nurse. You had health problems but… After she had helped us into the bed and turned out the lights, you sighed and said “We’ve had a good life.” Something about the tone you used… I just started to cry silently, and I reached out and grasped your hand. You knew, and you asked me to kiss you. I hadn’t kissed you in so long, because lets face it, when you get to this age physical attraction has long passed. But I struggled and shuffled until I was painfully propped up on one elbow looking down at you, a poor, hunched and shaking imitation of the position we frequently adopted when we were young. I could see your watery eyes glistening in the dark, still the same loving gaze after all this time. I knew the face those eyes belonged to was now wrinkled, with spots, and the lips were thin and dry. Your beautiful thick hair that I used to love running my fingers through had all fallen out, and there was a shiny bald head with whisps of white in its place. But I couldn’t see all that in the dark, and I smoothed my hand over your head anyway, and leaned down to press my leathery, thin lips to yours. I could taste tears, but I don’t know if they were mine or yours.
When I laid back down, you held my hand again, gave it a squeeze, and said “I love you”. I said I will always love you, that when we were reincarnated, I would find you and we could live another life together because this one had been far too short.

It never got old, hearing those same three words, feeling that same feeling. For an entire lifetime, love never got old, but we did.
Now I’m sitting alone and unoccupied. Ruka and Yomi’s carers took them home a few hours ago, had brought them around as soon as they heard about you, Sakito. I think they were surprised at first, that I wasn’t crying, but slowly they came to understand. It was nice to see them one last time, but I never could survive long without you by my side, and I don’t want to leave you waiting. We have a whole new life together ahead of us.

xzozzyxnekoxxzozzyxnekox on September 26th, 2009 02:01 am (UTC)
i cried at the end but i loved it. it was beautiful.
I n f i n i t y ♪: ♥1stepcl0ser on April 9th, 2011 11:44 pm (UTC)
omg this was so so so so good.. really.. ive never read something like that, like.. they getting old and stuff. really. it was amazing!
keep on writing :)